i've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games.
So my parents are in Vegas right now, and they won't be back until Saturday night. I used to enjoy times when they'd be gone for a few days, but now I can't stand it. I just feel so alone. At least when they are here, if even downstairs, I didn't feel like this so much. The comfort of knowing someone else is here, I suppose. I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm totally okay with everything that's been going on in my life, and then there are times like these when I just feel like crap. I feel lost, I don't know what the hell I'm doing in my life and I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. But I don't have that, and I seriously doubt I'm going to have that anytime soon, so I just have to deal with this by myself. People always tell you after a breakup or whatever that things are going to be alright, and you'll find someone new and yadda yadda yadda. But I just look at myself and go, "yeah, right." I'm a giant nerd with a bedroom filled with too many action figures and movies... and a futon. What girl is going to want someone like that. Sometimes I get so tempted to just take everything in there and throw it away and start over, but I can never quite bring myself to do it. I am who I am, and I can't and won't try to change who I am. If that means I'm living alone all my life with 30 cats, then so be it. That stuff is who I am.
It's only like 8:30. Geez. I wish I had something to do, or better yet, someone to hang out with. Just to watch a movie with, or sit and talk. I'm down for whatever. Sometimes I think I need to just pack up and move somewhere far away, and maybe that'll help me get past this shit that's bringing me down. Thank god for friends, that's all I have to say. They've all been here for me, and I am so thankful for that. This has been really, really, really hard for me, and if they weren't around I honestly don't know what I'd do.
Anyway, moral of the story: being home alone sucks, just like in said movie. I'm going to get a cocktail or two. Laters.